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Writing a letter to Depression...




I found a way to feel connected to my friends and family, a way i had never thought of before. After isolating myself from everyone, i wanted to find a way to connect back into the real world again. I wanted to find a way to deal with  depression. I followed a '5 steps to happiness guide' that i made up. I found a way of making my friends and family smile without tagging them in memes or even being near them. I found a way to make their day, which i hope they cherish forever.

I decided to write a letter, to some friends, and to some family. Not everyone, just enough to finish my book of stamps. Just to remind them they are amazing, they are beautiful, to keep doing what they are doing. To believe in themselves...


disclaimer to friends and family: if you didn't receive one, then i dunno for you! lol joking. please don't be offended



 To Elaine,


thank you for being a patient and an understanding big sister. I wish and pray everyday that you find your happily ever after. You truly deserve it. I have seen you move from strength to strength, and i admire your resilience . I know it hasn't been an easy path, and it only gets more difficult as we keep moving forward. Keep pressing on.


Live and enjoy, love and laugh. Everything will come in time, when it is supposed to. You're amazing, you just need to start believing that! We all are tbh, oc & mat ... look at our parents. They are nothing short of that.


Anyways my hand is hurting, all this pen to paper stuff. Since whats app i don't think i have used a pen to communicate since ... well i haven't.


Love you always and forever..


isn't it nice to receive a letter that is not a bill. 









In my darkest moments, where all i could feel was the walls closing in. I found peace, in writing, writing those letters that i knew would bring some joy to someone. I could only imagine as they each opened their letters to  see they were not bills or fines, but just words of encouragement as they leave for work or whatever they do in the mornings. Or as they returned from there daily duty's in the evening. I wanted them to feel something in that moment that would ignite high spirits through their day or bring them sweet dreams at night. Sometimes hearing, and seeing your loved ones happy. Helps!


I waited patiently for everyone who received, to get back to me. I was overwhelmed with the love and happiness shared in those moments. Some called me, some sent me a message. Thanking me for making their day. Most of them cried. But what meant the most to me, is that most of them told me they needed that, amongst all that's going on in their lives. It was satisfying to know that it meant almost everything to them, that they appreciated an old form of communication, that no one uses now. When you receive a letter, you expect someone is asking you for money, someone is demanding money, or someone is advertising something for you to spend your money. So in the midst of all those letters that can be quite stressful, and often people avoid opening them in hopes that they just go away. A message of love and hope was sent personally to them to lighten up their day.




Then there was the letter I decided not to send.... 


To Him,


I never thought in a million years, anyone would love me the way you did. I'm sorry you don't love me anymore. I am sorry you loved to me to late. I am sorry you started to love me from the moment i chose to fall out of love with you. I am sorry we lost each other on the way to happiness. I called out to you on so many occasions. But it felt like you found your way, while i stood on the corner not knowing what more i could say. I continued to walk along this pathway, it was dark, and cold, very narrow with burnt and broken signs that pointed to happiness. But i still haven't found that place up till this day, but Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations, i guess.. one day!

It is said, you don't know what you have until its gone. Truth is.. you knew what you had, you just thought you'd never loose it. I think we can both relate to that.  You thought you would hold my heart forever, until i took it back. Only now i realise i have lost you as a best friend more than anything, and you will never come back. 


I am thankful for every memory, and everything you bought me. Everything i learnt along the way with you, has sculpted how i see a lot of things today. Thank you for all the hugs you gave me when i couldn't stand to see the light of day. I am not thankful for all the takeaways we ate. And all the walking you made me do when we both didn't have a car, and you were to full of pride to catch the bus. I am not thankful for all the times i have to be reminded of you when the people that use to see us together, now see us apart. Asking where are you? or what happened between us. I never have an answer, that is satisfying enough.

I am thankful for all the wonderful mutual friends we have. That still stay in contact. Mo, lil mike, Tim, Big Lee, Josemar <-- (i appreciate you) just to name a few, and the jokes we all shared about race and religion. I hope lil mike remembers that day when you pulled into the right side of the road instead of the left to let the car pass. I hope you remember the time my brother took you to the garage and you broke down with no petrol. Cos he wont forget that!


At times you were the light of my life, that had the ability to dim it too. I didn't appreciate your wandering eyes, or your tongue full of lies. I want you to know i truly loved you and adored you. You always asked me if i am okay, if i have eaten. You stayed with me in hospital, i had to beg you to leave before my family came. I want you to know how much i appreciated your efforts with me, even when it got boring for you. I also wanted you to know i didn't like when you criticised me again and again. For not being the image you wanted me to be. I didn't like when you wouldn't stick up for me against all the girls that called and text my phone abusing me because of you. I didn't like that holiday to Barcelona, you spoilt my first experience of not being chaperoned, you made me feel alone even though we were together, you went out with your boy to enjoy the single life while you were in a relationship. I  didn't want to pay for your boys flight, but you asked me to. I didn't like when you told me your better looking than me, it made me feel lesser than you. But I know you truly did care for me, and i know now what it feels like to be taken care of, and i wouldn't expect anything short of that.


I hate you because you gave up, after you said you never would. We promised each other it was forever. But i've learnt in growth that forever is a fictional entity. But i am happy for you now, and i hope she will look after you, exactly how you wanted me to. 


I wish you well in everything you do. I know your happy now!


Good bye my sweet paramour.


love skinny x



Try it, just pick up a pen and a paper, all it will cost you is a book of stamps. But it goes a long way! Even if you write a letter to yourself, your future self or past self, or addressed to someone else, you don't have to send it st all. But try and make someones day, get the message of your chest. Let someone know how much they mean to you, in the sweetest, subtle way.


 Let me know how it goes below. :)



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November 2, 2018

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